can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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