is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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