And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
