Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
