He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
