I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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