My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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