the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
