Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
