Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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