Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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