I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
