weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
