Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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