Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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