What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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