ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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