I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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