Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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