yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
