Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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