he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
