He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
