you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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