one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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