What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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