Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
