he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
