Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
