so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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