i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
