I accidentally had phone sex last night
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
