Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
