i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
