I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
