i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
