apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
