This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
