Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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