gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
