we're blogging at a bar
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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