Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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