It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
