I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
