Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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