I smell stomach acid.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
