i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
