Having a random hookup so left but love u
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
