Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
