I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just cut my nipple shaving
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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